Avenger Escape Plan
by Dreamerdragon
Summary: A plan for when Hulk chases you down. Tony walked in oblivious to anything going on. He crumpled the bag up and tossed it away. Bruce suddenly went stiff and started panting before hulking out. "RUN!" Hawkeye shouted. UPDATED
1. A Plan

**Just an idea that hit. Hope you like it.**

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**Avenger Escape Plan**

1. Buy cookies

2. Open the cookies

3. Eat the cookies

4. Tease Hulk with the empty cookie bag

5. Flee while Hulk tries to 'Hulk smash' you for eating the cookies

6. Hide from Hulk

7. Continue to hide from Hulk

8. When Hulk finds you, claim you were simply playing hide and seek

9. Repeat number five, six, seven, and eight

10. Repeat number nine as necessary

11. If all else fails flee to Hawkeye

12. Explain to Hawkeye what you did

13. Dodge arrows

14. Repeat number six

15. If that does not work do number thirty-five

16. Check for number thirty-five and realize it does not exist

17. Scream

18. Realize you just gave yourself away

19. Flee dodging arrows and Hulk smashes

20. Trip at a dire time

21. Get up

22. Realize you didn't have to do number twenty

23. Start to realize this list is pointless

24. Realize that this list is a paradox and if you hadn't done number one you wouldn't be in this mess

25. Throw list away

26. Change mind and burn it

27. Swear that you will get Fury back for this

Each Avenger looked blankly at the list in his or her hand. "Am I seriously the only one who sees anything wrong with this?" Natasha spoke.

"I see it as a complete waste of time." Bruce responded. "I don't think Hulk would get mad it the cookies were eaten. I mean, I don't even like cookies…"

"Let's try it." Hawkeye opened a bag of Chips Ahoy.

"Wait."

"What?"

"You're part of the escape plan. If you're the one being chased the list wouldn't work for you."

"Oh,"

"But… if I know the plan… wouldn't that defeat the purpose?"

"You have a point Dr. Banner." Natasha scratched her chin. "It would be completely pointless." she nodded after a second of thinking. "As long as no one eats the last cookie in front of you, we should be fine."

The doors to the room slid open and Tony walked in. He was munching on a fudge cookie. He crinkled up the bag and tossed it in the trash. "Miss anything important?"

Everyone looked from him to a now stiff Bruce. "Dr. Banner?" Steve asked. "Doctor? Are… you all right?"

Bruce began breathing heavy. He roared and hulked out.

"Tony!" Hawkeye threw him a copy of the escape plan. "RUN!"

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**Please review.**


	2. Did You Really Just Follow the Plan?

**Here's an update for those who asked. :**)

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Tony hit the hall running. A loud crash behind him told him Hulk had done the same. He glanced down at the balled up paper in his fist. After a few attempts, he managed to find a hiding place from Hulk.

"Is this a joke?" He skimmed through the list again. He had apparently already done numbers 1-6 without really realizing it. And was currently doing 7.

The sounds of walls being smashed had died down, so he opened the door and peeked out. A warm breeze blew through his hair. Slowly turning his head to the right, Tony saw Hulk.

"Hulk already knows plan." he boomed, hint of laughter in his voice.

"Hulk, you know me. It's me, Tony. You saved me. Remember?"

"Hulk remembers. Tony ate last cookie. Hulk, ALWAYS," Hulk nearly deafened him. "Gets last word. AND COOKIE!"

Ironman's alter ego quickly glanced down at the paper. Really? Claim to be playing hide-and-seek? Who'd fall for that?

"Hulk already knows plan." Hulk repeated.

Here goes nothing. "I was only playing hide-and-seek?"

He smirked and Hulk smashed, Tony narrowly avoiding being flattened. Whilst running as fast as his legs could carry him, he read down the list. _9: Repeat five, six, seven, and eight. 10: repeat number nine as necessary._ Who wrote this!? _11: If all else fails flee to Hawkeye._ Not on his life. He didn't need to-

Without realizing it, Tony had stopped in the middle of the hallway to figure out the stupidity of this paper.

~OoO~

"Why'd he stop?" Hawkeye lounged looking through the glass door at Tony who was standing dumbly in the hall.

"What number do you suppose he's on?" Natasha didn't even look up from the book she was reading.

"Can't be too far. He's hasn't come to see me yet."

"Speaking of that," she looked up at her partner. "How do you plan to work that? You know the plan already." "Dunno yet." Hawkeye closed his eyes. "Let's just see how this plays out."

"There he goes."

He lifted his head and looked out the door just in time to see a green blur go past. He laid his head back again back. "What's your moving to be?" he muttered to himself, smiling.

~OoO~

Tony rounded a corner and stopped, huffing. He lost Hulk a ways back. Stupid list! He threw it on the ground and stomped it a couple times. He had hid multiple times and to no avail. Looks like Hawkeye was his next stop. Crap.

"JARVIS, locate Hawkeye."

"Mr. Barton appears to be in the break room on the seventh floor."

That would be- back the way he came. "Thanks JARVIS."

"You're welcome sir."

Tony peeked around the corner. No Hulk. He quickly made his way to the break room. He almost died when he got there. Oh, Hawkeye was in the break room all right; but so was Hulk.

Hawkeye had his bow in his hands and an arrow ready. Covering his eyes were a pair of sunglasses and on his lips a smirk. "Ready to go?"

"Um," Tony finally managed to get himself calm again. "Who wears sunglasses inside?"

Hawkeye quickly took them off and tossed them aside. "Nat asked me the same thing. I thought it'd look cool."

"Hulk thinks it looks dumb." Hulk boomed.

"I know. I know. I got the point. You two ready to go or not?"

"You're supposed to help me." Tony took a step back.

"I thought I'd save time. With there being the whole coming to me, telling me what happened, I attacking and you hiding thing. But just tell me one thing: are you going to do the falling part? It's unnecessary but I'm curious."

"This whole things unnecessary. What falling part? I must've not got to that point on the list."

"Well, look at it."

Tony patted his pockets. "I got mad and left it behind."

Hawkeye reached into his own pocket and withdrew a folded list, handing it to the billionaire. "Here."

Tony looked it over, seeing once again the stupidity of this whole thing. "Look. Can't I just apologize and be done?"

"Nope."

"Hulk is getting impatient." Hulk kicked at the floor sending shockwaves through the entire building.

"Let's go."

Tony could see no other way so he sped down the hall looking for a good hiding place. "C'mon. C'mon." An arrow flew right over his head. A few hallways (this place seems to love its halls) and hiding places later; he found himself in silence. _15: If that does not work, do number thirty-five._ The list stopped at 27. "Really?" Tony groaned. He slapped his hand over his mouth. Probably shouldn't have done that. The door slammed open and standing there was Hawkeye grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Tony took off running.

"Tony!" a voice screamed. "You dropped your pocket!"

"What?" He looked down and then face-planted. He jumped up and found himself face-to-face with Phil; Hulk and Hawkeye closing in. He'd pay for this. And so would Fury. . .

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**Oh, Tony. Silly, silly Tony. If you hadn't been eating those cookies this wouldn't have happened. I hope you all enjoyed this. Please review. I adore reviews. They make me feel like rainbows and kittens inside. Don't deny the kittens. And there cute cuddly- sorry. I'm rambling again. Hope to see you all soon.**


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